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Author: YanzaDracan
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yanzadracanFandom: Kane RPS & CWRPS
Characters: Chris/Steve/Jensen
Word Count: 4,721
Rating: R
Disclaimer: See Master Fic Index for the whole thing.
Summary: Too much time alone
Author's Note: Part 7 of the 'What Happens 'verse'. Witchy78 is still an evil enabler and I've given into temptation again.
Jensen blushed hotly as the flight attendant gave him that 'Aren't you just the cutest things' look. Stuck in the middle seat with Steve and Chris asleep against his shoulders, there wasn't much he could do but raise his hands in a helpless shrug.
They'd stopped in Tulsa for a few days on their way to New York for the annual Up Front dog and pony show the studios put on for the advertisers.
The Ackles had flown up from Texas and an impromptu family reunion had been held at the Kane house. Everyone had eaten too much and slept too little before going their separate ways, but it been good to reconnect with everyone. The more successful they became-the less time they had for family-and each other.
He hated Up Front more than conventions. At least with the conventions the fans interest was genuine, without the ass kissing BS they had to go through for the networks and advertisers. Jensen leaned his head back and closed his eyes. God, he needed a break. He must have taken temporary leave of his senses to sign on for Season 6, but he didn't want to bite the hand that fed him, plus Jared and Gen were making noises about babies, Vancouver was closer to Portland than LA, but further from Las Vegas, and he was thankful to have steady work.
He really needed to have a talk with Jared about trying to fix him up with Genevieve's friends. Jared bitched at him about spending all his free time with Chris and Steve, and the conversation went downhill from there as Jensen had snapped back that he wasn't some Victorian maiden waiting for Jared to throw crumbs of attention his way.
The air had remained chilly between the two men until Jared had knocked on his door with pizza, beer and an apology. Things got better, but their friendship was changing in ways neither man could stop. Jensen knew things would be easier if he told Jared about his relationship with Chris and Steve, but so much of his life was on display that he hoarded this one thing like a miser's gold.
He needed the illusion that there was something that was his and his alone.
Now he enjoyed the weight of the dark and light heads pressed against his shoulders and allowed himself to relax.
The week was long and tedious. Jensen had hopes that they would get to spend their evenings together, but Chris' evenings were tied up with the Leverage crew and Steve was doing work with The Sound Parlour's mixers, and checking out new artists.
Steve had been so excited about the one singer that he'd given one of his earbuds to Jensen in the elevator. They had come off the elevator heads together, commenting back and forth. A shout from the other side of the lobby had Steve moving away from Jensen so fast he thought he lost skin when the earbud was yanked out.
Steve was out the door hailing a cab before Jensen gathered his wits enough to realize what had happened. Hurt and confused by Steven's reaction he moved through the rest of the day by rote. He finally came out of his stupor when Jim asked him to dinner.
"Thanks, Jim, but I'm beat. Think I'm goin' grab room service and sleep." Jim frowned at the plastic smile Jensen gave him, but nodded before crossing the lobby.
He'd just settled his check when he heard familiar voices from another part of the restaurant. He stepped around the divider to confirm his suspicions.
Sitting at a large table in the back were the usual suspects from Leverage along with one Steve Carlson. Eyes narrowed he walked up behind Tim's chair.
"Evenin' boys and girls." His eyes narrowed at Christian and Steve.
"Hey, man, ya guys run late?"Christian's question seemed genuine.
"No. I was just settling my check." Jim glared at Steve, who wouldn't look at the older man.
"Jenny with ya?"Chris looked back the way Jim had come.
"No. He seemed out of sorts all day. Said he was going to grab room service and some sleep." Jim continued to watch Steve.
Feeling Steve squirm, Chris looked at the blond.
"Steve?"
"I was kind of a jerk this morning." He mumbled.
"Fix him before we take off on this round the world convention stint." Jim spun on his heel and left.
The two said their goodnights and grabbed a cab back to the hotel. On the ride Steve explained the stunt he'd pulled in the hotel lobby.
"Fuck."
"Yeah."
"Ya can't do shit like that, Steve. He's alone too much as it is, and you know what the inside of that boy's head looks like. Plus we haven't spent the time together this week like we hoped. Then there's half his hiatus spent overseas with the newlyweds, conventions, fans pokin' and pryin'…" Chris rubbed his hands over his face.
"I know…I know." Steve threw his hands in the air. "The fans are so used to seeing you and me together that it's no big deal. I figured it'd start a whole new round of shit if they got a hold of a picture of Jen and I all heads together and stuff…"
Their fears were confirmed. Outside their room sat a barely touched room service tray. The suite was dark and quiet. They looked at each other.
"Smoking lounge." They said in unison.
It wasn't on the brochure as an amenity, but the hotel had set up a bar and tables under canopies on the roof for their patrons that smoked.
They found Jensen, not at the bar, but standing along the fencing around the perimeter of the roof, cigarette in one hand, tumbler of amber liquor in the other.
Before they got close, Jensen had turned his head. It still spooked them that Jensen unerringly knew when someone was behind him, but since Westman the only time Jensen relaxed his guard was when the three of them were at home.
"Hey guys. How was dinner?" He turned back to looking out at the city.
"How'd you?" Steve sputtered.
Jensen merely shrugged.
Chris cringed. The dinner had been impromptu. Steve had shown up needing to talk to Chris and the rest as they say is history. Chris loved their fans, but sometimes he wished picture phones and Twitter had never been invented.
"S'okay. I understand." Jensen's voice was raspy for too many cigarettes and not enough sleep.
"No. You. Don't." Chris grabbed one arm, Steve the other. "Let's go talk about it." They pulled the younger man toward the elevator.
Everyone was flying out the next evening. The Supernatural cast to points east, Chris and Steve west.
They spent the day disabusing Jensen of any illusions that may have taken residence in his brain during their long absences and jam packed schedules. By the time they poured the actor in the cab for the airport, Jensen was so fucked out and relaxed that he looked more ready for a photo shoot for a skin mag than a flight to Australia.
Jim Bever was exhausted. Between traveling, missing his daughter and the tension between Jared and Jensen he was about to pull out what little hair he had left. Jensen had settled into what he called 'convention routine', but with Genevieve and Jared acting the newlyweds and trying to set Jensen up on dates the air between them was tense.
Jim noticed their bickering was causing Jensen's appetite and sleep to be disturbed so he stepped in to act as a buffer as much as possible, but it all came to a head in Italy.
Jensen singing with Jason and playing the guitar had been the hit of the convention. The two had been having a quiet dinner talking about Jason's new CD and upcoming show dates when a group stopped by their table. Jason's frown had Jensen looking up to see Jared, Gen and several other people standing by the table.
"Can we join you?" Jared asked grinning widely.
"Actually," Jason's tone was cold, "we were just leaving, but you're welcome to the table."
"Yeah. Food was great. Y'all enjoy." Jensen moved alongside Jason so they were clear the chairs.
Jared grabbed Jensen's arm. "You could stay, meet our friends." Jared gave him a sly wink then looked at the petite brunette giggling with Genevieve.
"Thanks, but we're just going back to the hotel…callin' it a night. I got some calls to make to the States." Jensen's tone was polite but cool.
"Come on, Jen. She's a great girl. You'll really like her." Jared cajoled.
Jensen closed his eyes and drew a breath. He hated doing this in public…hated people in his business. He felt Jason's warm support at his back. He let out the breath then pitched his voice so Jared had to lean down to hear.
"Look, Jared, I've told you this before. I do no need to be set up with your wife's friends…or anybody's friends. I'm a big boy capable of taking care of my own love life." He felt his temper slipping so he took another breath. "This is the last time I'm telling you this, so listen. I have a committed relationship. All this…" he waved in the direction of the table, "does is piss me off. You and Gen are meddling in shit that doesn't concern you. Now leave off."
Jared back up as if stung. "I…you never…why didn't you tell me?" His voice rose.
All eyes in the room turned to the men.
"This is why." Jensen hissed low. "You can't keep your fuckin' mouth shut about anything. My private life…my private relationship is just that…private. I don't want them harassed by the press because you don't think before you talk."
Jared ducked his head sheepishly. "Sorry."
"Yeah, well I'm sorry we had to do this because you don't listen to a fuckin' thing I say. You just bulldoze your way through and think a smile and apology after the fact fixes everything. Well it don't." Jensen spun and practically dragged Jason from the restaurant, color high and green eyes snapping at anyone foolish enough to stare.
"I can see why you haven't told him." Jason quipped. "Think he'll let it go."
Jensen shook his head. "Sadly, no. We'll probably have a knock down drag out before it's all said and done."
"What are you going to do?" Jason pressed. He didn't like the expression on Jensen's face.
"What I've always done."They paid the cabbie and headed to their room.
Jason cringed. He remembered all the years Jensen hid his feelings from Chris and Steve thinking he was protecting them.
He had to leave for England the next day, but thought Jared had finally bought a clue and would leave Jensen alone. If he'd been privy to the conversation in Jared and Genevieve's room, he'd have been on the phone to Steve the minute Jensen was out of ear shot.
"You two play pranks all the time." Genevieve cajoled. "It's not that big a deal. A little teasing…get the fans involved…they'll think it's a hoot."
"I don't know, Gen, he seemed pretty adamant that whoever it is doesn't want the attention." Jared hedged.
"Oooo, maybe he's into something kinky." She crooned.
"I think I would have noticed if he kept a 'Mistress Mandy' in the house." Jared rolled his eyes.
"I got it." She snapped her fingers. "He's gay and afraid what it'll do to his career if it comes out."
"Can we drop it?" He slid into bed beside his wife. "I can think of better things to do--besides Jen made it clear it wasn't up for discussion." He gathered her against his chest.
"Aren't you even the littlest bit curious?" Gen ran her finger nail down his broad chest.
"Of course I am, but Jen had a good point. I do get excited about things and forget to watch what I say."
"It'd be the most memorable moment of all the conventions…even top Jensen playing guitar and singing with Jason."
"Genevieve…"
"Oh okay. Still think it'd be really great." She huffed then squealed as Jared's large hands spanned her waist and rolled them so Jared and the bed totally enveloped her.
Jared dropped a kiss on the dark head resting on his chest, as his mind warred with his curiosity about anything involving Jensen. There was so much about the older man he didn't know like where he disappeared to on his days off, about the scars that sometimes peeked from under his bracelets and watchband, and now, the 800 pound gorilla between them labeled, 'significant other'.
Maybe a little teasing from him along with encouragement from the fans would convince Jensen to tell them about the love in his life. His conscious tweaked him for being selfish. The middle child in his psyche wanted the attention. Jared thought he had Jensen's reactions mapped out. The older man would be a little pissed, but Jared was sure he could control the situation and find out what he wanted to know.
As he drifted off to sleep, his conscious continued to prick holes in the balloon of his plan, but he wanted things the way they were before--when Jensen's focus seemed to be on Supernatural and on him. He just had to get through to Genevieve that Jensen was going to be around more--and that was a good thing.
As he watched Jensen finish up his solo panel, Jared was alive with anticipation. The combined panel was up next, and everything was falling in place. Genevieve had just arrived from the hotel, still pouting from their argument earlier, she threw herself in a chair, arms and legs crossed as she glared at the husband she'd thought would be so easy to control.
The make-up sex they'd had after she capitulated had been truly amazing, and she still had twinges even after soaking in a hot tub--but she thought she had the better read on Jensen. Her glare became a nasty smile as she came to the realization she'd soon have all Jared's attention because Jensen would kick him to the curb after today.
Despite being thousands of miles from his partners, Jensen was relaxed and happy. An early morning video call with Steve and Chris that probably melted circuits across the world had smoothed out his anger and anxiety over his argument with Jared.
The fans were being curious without being nosy, polite and low-key while not making him feel like he was a bore. Worry nibbled at the back of his brain over his combined panel with Jared, but he was hoping after last night's confrontation, Jared would behave.
Later his brain would remind him of that naïve supposition.
The first fifteen minutes were fine. They played off each other as usual, the fans eating their camaraderie up with a spoon. With a wide grin on his face Jared turned to Jensen.
"Hey Jen." Green eyes caught hazel. "You know the one question I haven't heard lately?"
Jensen's smile dimmed slightly. "No, Jared, which one would that be?" Green eyes sent a warning.
Jared pushed on. "Everyone knows about my love life…my beautiful new bride…what about you? Who's that special someone in your life? You keep disappearing on your days off--when do we get to meet this mystery person?"
The fans went wild-whistling and applauding. Jensen's expression iced over though his smile never faltered. Right then Jared realized how badly he'd underestimated his co-star. He had never seen this side of Jensen before and he prayed that if he managed to salvage their friendship, he would never see it again.
Jim Bever had been enjoying a cup of coffee in the wings when Jared asked his question. He quickly grabbed a PA and sent him running for Eric.
"Why Jared," the false cheerfulness in the Jensen's tone made Jared cringe, "I wouldn't want to deprive all those hopeful singles out there of my handsome self by settling down with one person." His mouth smiled, but his eyes were dead.
"But I thought…" Jared stuttered and stumbled. "You said…and you're always with…" He clamped his mouth shut before he dug the hole he was in any deeper.
Jensen never missed a beat. He looked out at the audience. "Isn't that just the thing? Your friends get married and the next thing you know they're trying to get you married off, too." The fans made sympathetic noises and nodded their heads. "It's great you and Gen are deliriously happy, but I'm not ready for that ball and chain, yet."
Jared quickly recovered his equilibrium and the panel finished like nothing happened, but the minute they stepped into the dressing room and closed the door, he started trying to apologize. Genevieve watched smugly from her chair as the two men stood nose to nose.
"It was just a prank, Jen, I'm sorry." Jared pleaded.
"A prank? You ruined the one thing that was mine alone…the one good thing in this whole fucked up mess for a prank?!"
Jared never saw the punch that laid him low. The next thing he knew, Gen was cradling his head in her lap as Jensen stood over them, chest heaving with the force of his emotions, eyes shards of green glass as his expression became even colder.
Then Eric and Jim were there pulling Jensen away leaving Genevieve to tend Jared.
"I fucked up bad, baby." He turned his face into her stomach.
"I'm sorry, Jared. If I'd known he'd be such a dick I'd never have said anything." Gen soothed. "You still have me."
"Wanted…need you both in my life." He sounded so miserable she truly felt bad for the mess they'd made.
Jim and Eric pulled Jensen into an empty room. To say he was angry was like saying Katrina was a little thunderstorm. Before he could attack either man for interfering, his brain registered who he was about to slay with the sharp side of his anger.
He closed his eyes and gathered all the pain and anger and pulled it all back into its box. Slamming the lid he opened his eyes and calmly looked at the Eric then Jim.
The two older men shuddered. It was creepy how Jensen could do that.
"Sorry." He rubbed his hands over his face.
"It's alright, son. You have every right to be upset." Jim soothed.
"You want to take a minute? Maybe call Chris or Steve or both?" Eric encouraged.
Jensen glanced at watch. *Shit. When did it get so late* He looked back at Eric shaking his head.
"I'll talk to 'em later. Fill 'em in on Jared's latest fuck up." He growled then pulled it back.
Jim shook his head. Boy was going to give himself an ulcer keeping such a tight rein on everything.
Eric turned away then turned back as though reluctant to ask his question.
"Can you finish this, Jen? We only have a few more to go before the new season starts."
Jensen stared hard at Kripke.
"This has been a hell of hiatus. No down time because of conventions, pushed up start to filming. No time for anything." He sounded mournful.
"We get back to the states, go home, fly in for your panels then fly back out." Jensen started to protest. Eric raised his hand. "I'll pick up the tab. The flights'll probably be at the ass crack of dawn, but you're just gonna have to deal."
Jensen gave him a smile that almost reached his eyes. "Make 'em out of LAX. I'll probably be there 'til time to go back to Vancouver."
"I'll make them from Las Vegas." Two sets of eyes narrowed at Jensen.
"Yer awful bossy for someone not my mother…or Kane." Jensen gave a weak chuckle.
"Don't think anyone's bossier than Kane." Eric joked glad to see Jensen's expression lighten. "'Sides I heard a rumor Leverage is gonna be at Comic Con." He chuckled.
"Great." He turned to Jim. "You don't need to be mother hennin' either." He shook his finger.
Jim placed his hands over his chest and raised his eyebrows in a 'Who me?' expression. Jensen rolled his eyes.
Jared and Genevieve both worked to apologize to Jensen trying to make up for their prank, but their relationship seemed irreparably damaged. Jensen was cordial and professional, but aloof.
Unless he was alone, his conversations with Chris and Steve were stilted and awkward. Jensen was constantly monitoring his words always keeping tight control.
Jensen wove illusions around them all. Illusions that he was fine, his relationship was fine, everyone and everything was fine had Kripke and Bever relaxing their vigilance for a while.
Jim was starting to worry over Jensen's state of mind. He constantly rubbed the scars on his wrists keeping the ridged tissue red and irritated. He'd snagged Jensen's phone while he was doing his final panel before flying back to the states. Working his way through the contacts list he finally got someone to answer.
Jason was surprised when he answered his phone to find Jim Bever talking in rushed quiet tones. The normally affable man was spitting mad by the time Jim finished. He assured Jim that he'd be talking to Steve or Chris soon.
Jensen sat in a hotel room in Vancouver, head propped on his hand as he drained the whiskey from his glass looking at photos from KANE's video shoot and show at Dante's. He stared for a long time at one of Chris and Steve embracing like they could crawl inside one another's skin.
He had seen this before…was the reason he'd kept his true feelings hidden for so many years. He'd deluded himself into thinking there was a Jensen sized space where there wasn't. He'd let Chris and Steve build him an illusion--let his need for them convince him it was true. Now he knew different. He kept the picture on his computer to remind himself.
He started ignoring his phone and computer unless it had to do with work. He lived on coffee and cigarettes, and slept on the couch because the bed was too big.
After their conversation with Jason, Chris and Steve took turns tracking down anyone from Supernatural that might be in contact with Jensen. By the time they got to Jared and Gen's, Chris had blood in his eye and Steve was thinking of all the places they could hide the bodies.
They hadn't seen Jensen in person since May and they were damn tired of the boy running and hiding to protect them from whatever illusions his mind had built.
"He's not here." Genevieve snapped when she answered the door.
The effect was ruined when Jared gently pushed her aside and quietly invited the two men inside. By the time he was done talking, Chris' face was red with the effort to hold onto his temper, but it was Steve that delivered the killing blow.
"I can see why you and Murray are best friends--you act an awful lot alike at times." The singer spoke quietly as he pulled Chris to his feet.
Jared gaped speechless after the men, but Genevieve decided to fight back.
"What's so special about Jensen Ackles anyway?" She stood with fists on her hips, chin jutted out defiantly.
"He's ours. He belongs to us and with us, and you keep fuckin' that up with your petty little power trips 'cause Jen has this convoluted idea that he has to protect us from the PTB's." Chris growled.
Jared finally found his words after Steve's bombshell. "You're his committed relationship?" He was dumbfounded.
"Yeah. He wanted to tell you, but he was afraid you'd shoot off yer motherfuckin' mouth and our relationship would be splattered 'cross the Internet." Chris clenched and unclenched his fists.
Steve grabbed one and curled the tense fingers around his own wrist. "Not worth it, Christian. Let's find Jen." He said soothingly, keeping his body between Chris and Jared.
Steve kept a tight hold on Chris as they left the house and headed to Jensen's condo. Chris and Jensen both had to be in San Diego for Comic Con, and they were determined they'd all be there together. The only work allowed would be their appearances at the con…all else would be time for them.
They slipped through the door of the condo, not sure what to expect. Jim had told Jason Jensen reminded him of an animated Ken doll, except when he was being Dean.
The place made Chris' skin crawl. There was nothing in any of the rooms that said this was someone's home. Jensen had scoured the condo of everything personal…Everything except his laptop, which sat open and running. Steve touched the mouse pad and drew in a shocked breath when he saw the wall paper.
They were still transfixed by the picture when they spun around at the sound of a familiar voice.
"It's a reminder."
"A reminder of the what, Jenny." Chris started forward, but Jensen back away.
Chris stopped.
"That it was an illusion."
"What was, Jensen?" Steve stepped up even with Chris.
Jensen held up his hand showing the ring that would no longer fit over his knuckle so he could take if off. "This…us. Maybe it was a delusion out of my fucked up brain."
"No!" Chris started forward until Jensen was against the wall, his eyes wide.
"Christian." Steve's voice cracked.
He stopped, but refused to back off.
Jensen relaxed slightly. "I knew in New York." He moved past Chris to the balcony and lit a cigarette.
The older men exchanged a look. "Knew what, Jens?" Steve lit one of his own.
"That it was the end. You didn't want to be seen with me, Chris preferred his cast mates…" He shrugged. "Then all that shit with Jared." Jensen nodded more to himself than to Steve. "Yeah, should have cut it clean then, but you came to me on that last night and the illusion was reinforced." He rubbed the reddened scar under his watch band as he talked more to himself then to them.
He turned to face both men. "Have you come to say your final goodbyes? I have…" he walked over to the closet next to the front door, "your things." He pulled out a two neatly labeled boxes.
Jensen's tone was so even, so calm, it was eerie. Both men shuddered.
"That is the biggest pile of steaming horse shit I have heard in my entire life." Chris said through gritted teeth.
"You seemed to have forgotten a promise you made." Steve chimed in behind Chris.
"What promise?" Jensen's forehead pulled down in a frown.
"That you wouldn't forget." They exchanged another look and stepped closer in unison, each grabbing a wrist.
Jensen looked at the strong tan fingers clamped around his wrists and something cracked inside him.
"I'm never alone." He whispered harshly still staring at the hands.
He looked up at the computer screen. "But…"
They knew what he saw. "We were telling each other how much we wished you were there, Jenny." Chris' voice was raspy in his ear.
Jensen shivered. The crack widened. A snarky voice in his head said his insides were beginning to look like a glacier from Ice Age.
He felt Steve's warmth against his side. "You belong with us." The voice dropped to a purr.
The crack widened.
"You belong to us, boy." Chris growled.
Jensen shivered his emotions rushing toward the crack in his shell. He jerked his arms free.
"NO!" He moved toward the computer. "The proof is right there." He pointed to the screen as he fought to close the cracks.
"That's the illusion." Chris spun him back toward them.
"This is real." Steve trapped Jensen between them.
They caught him as his knees buckled from the emotions shattering the ice around his heart.
"This is real." He whispered.
They ended in a heap against the couch, Jensen tucked between them fighting not to fly apart.
"This will always be real." They reassured the younger man as they slowly began to pull him apart.
When they put him back together there was no doubt in Jensen's mind where he belonged.
~Fin~
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no subject
Date: 2010-08-10 10:11 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-08-10 12:08 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-08-10 11:48 am (UTC)From:Definitely wanna smack Jared. *nods* Gen is jealous and does stupid things, but Jared should know better.
*rofl* Do not mess with what's theirs. Chris is a wolf and Steve a lion, that's dangerous. *g*
no subject
Date: 2010-08-10 12:18 pm (UTC)From:Jared with middle child syndrome & Gen trying to fit between J2 along with Jensen being reserved...kinda begged to be written.
You never want Kane & Carlson going feral on your ass--they never will find all the pieces. LOL
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Date: 2010-08-10 08:01 pm (UTC)From:I'm glad Chris and Steve were finally there to show him where he truly belongs *nods*
Thanks for sharing.
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Date: 2010-08-10 11:31 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-08-12 09:43 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-08-12 10:16 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-08-15 03:22 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-08-15 10:38 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-08-15 03:27 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-09-16 03:16 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-09-16 11:18 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2012-04-11 07:57 pm (UTC)From:Because that's what I've been doing those last 2 days ;o) I love them ! Thanks again, there is not enough Chris/Jensen/Steve fics out there (I mean fics with prompt, not just porn !!).
no subject
Date: 2012-04-11 08:20 pm (UTC)From:Blessings.
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Date: 2012-04-12 04:22 pm (UTC)From:And oh yeah, you know what motivates me, what's my fuel : hurt!jensen with those 3, that's what keeps me going ;o)
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Date: 2012-04-12 05:34 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2012-04-12 05:48 pm (UTC)From:Thanks.
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Date: 2012-04-12 05:50 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2012-04-12 05:53 pm (UTC)From:Will you post it before the BB ? (I know you said after the BB but I can still try ;o)).
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Date: 2012-04-12 06:04 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2012-04-12 06:09 pm (UTC)From: