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Author: YanzaDracan
Beta:
Artist: tiggeratl1
Characters/Pairings: Christian Kane; Steve Carlson; Jensen Ackles; Jared Padalecki; Danneel Harris; Tim Hutton; Beth Riesgraf; OCs; Robert Riggle; Rob Huebel; Sandy & Chris Carlson; Rosalee & Darren Sher
Rating: R
Genre: RPS
Warning: Mentions of Characters death! Language
Word Count: 4,673/34,815
Summary: The massive earth changes happen Thanksgiving 2012. A sanctuary in all the chaos and destruction is the SC-KANE ranch in Broken Bow, OK. Who survived and what happens next? Will his family accept Jensen and sacrifices he made for them? Based on the earth changes maps of Gordon Michael Scallion. Images in my head from Steve Carlson's song Quarter To Three.
Dawn found them on the road to Norman. They didn't hit any roadblocks until they stepped in the Colonel's reception area.
Corporal Mike Riley didn't know the two men standing at his desk, but the Colonel had shown him pictures and told him if they ever showed up he was to find him immediately.
"Can I help you?" He asked in an overly polite manner.
"We'd like to see Colonel Riggle." Christian watched the young man behind the desk carefully.
"You are…?"
Pale blue eyes narrowed.
"I think you know very well who we are." He was satisfied when he saw the brown eyes wide slightly. He bared his teeth in a parody of a smile.
"If you'll have a seat, I'll inform the Colonel you're here." Mike practically spat the words.
Five minutes later, a tall man followed by three armed men came through the door. Cpl. Riley snapped to attention. The tall man gave a casual, At ease, before the arm could snap a salute. He stopped in front of the Steve and Christian.
"Come." He ordered than continued toward the office.
His security detail waited for the civilians to obey.
Christian bristled, ready to turn stubborn when Steve's hand on his arm stayed his irritation.
"Not the time to go all alpha, man." Steve whispered.
With a nod they followed the Colonel. Riley followed the men into the office.
"Get me the latest on Jake Gray's condition." He ordered.
"Sir."
The door closed.
"No one knows him by anything other than 'Jake Gray'. I thought he might want to go back to his civilian life one day." He settled behind his desk. "Coffee?" He indicated the machine on the other side of the room.
"Can we see him?" Steve asked without preamble.
Before he could answer there was a knock then a pause before Riley opened the door to bring Riggle the folder he requested.
"Thank you. Dismissed."
"Why?" Rob asked as he opened the file.
He knew Jensen's condition. He and his partner had taken turns sitting with man at the hospital. Rob was there when the Colonel had business to attend-business like former lovers who suddenly wanted to see the fallen warrior.
"To tell 'im we're idiots and want 'im to come home." Christian answered.
"You waited 'til now because…?"
"We didn't know where the fuck he was." Christian growled. "He didn't answer his phone, and if that special report hadn't come on the TV we still wouldn't know."
"Why didn't you come SEE me?" Riggle asked. I couldn't talk about it over the phone. That's why when you asked for Jensen I said he wasn't here. Only Jake was here. That's the way it will stay until he says otherwise.
He knew about the messages. When he'd seen Jensen pitch the phone he'd pulled it out of the trash and kept it waiting for Jensen to ask for it back. The stubborn man never did.
"Would you have told us?" Steve asked.
"Maybe, though not at first. He was hurt too bad and too valuable an asset."
At the word asset Christian started to stand. Rob waved him back down.
"Six months ago I almost called you because I thought it was time, but before I could call Parker was killed, and he was injured. He checked himself out of the clinic and went feral on me. I didn't see him or Spencer the whole winter. Only his squad knew where he was, and they weren't talkin'-especially to their colonel. Even Riley couldn't get it out of them."
Riggle poured himself more coffee wishing he could doctor it with the bottle in his bottom drawer.
"This spring he comes in here so quiet I damn near had a heart attack when I looked up and him and Spencer were standing inside the door like a couple wolves. The squad had brought in a group of women and children they'd liberated, stolen, whatever you wanna call it from some group holed up in the state park at Robbers Cave. They were the last group we had to take out before we could begin to lift martial law. I sent my four best squads. There were about fifty diehards left in the caves. They were finishing the clean up when Jensen discovered the caves were booby trapped. He was tending the wounded when he saw the devices and used Spencer to get everyone out he couldn't reach by radio. The wounded couldn't move fast enough so he stashed them in a pocket the kids had told him about."
The Colonel stopped and looked out the window. He stared so long Christian was about to get up when he turned and started talking again.
"He went back for the last wounded when the bombs went off. They were almost to the safety zone when part of the roof came down. He shoved the wounded soldier toward the others-he almost made it, too." Riggle got quiet again.
"Dammit, Riggle!" Both men were exasperated with the man not getting to the point.
"He's alive. Most of the damage was to his lower legs. The damage to the left will heal fine-it's the right the doctors are worried about. It's a mess…even with rehab…" He shrugged.
"Is he conscious? Can he have visitors?" Steve asked.
"His squad's keeping an eye on him-taking care of Spencer. They're the only ones can get that dog away from him."
His face was stern when he looked at them.
"He was devastated when he came here. Truth be told he was probably hoping for suicide by bad guy. He took chances, did things that scared the bejesus out of my hardened vets. He's built a shell…" Seeming to make a decision he picked up the phone. "Corporal Riley I need two passes for our guests to have access to Jake Gray."
It didn't take long for the Corporal to come in the office and hand them passes.
"All I can say to you is good luck. You're gonna need it."
%%%%%
With the passes from Riggle, and a conversation with the doctors alleviated some of their concerns but raised others.
They were keeping Jensen heavily drugged because of cracked ribs and a shattered leg. The orthopedic specialist joked that Mr. Gray and his dog had similar personalities. They both growled and snapped a lot. The doctor had directed them to the suites families of patients used where they settled their duffels before girding their loins to face Jensen and Spencer.
Showing their passes, they introduced themselves to the soldiers by the door asking about their concerns for any of the groups they'd taken down trying to hurt 'Jake' and the others. They'd given them a cursory, Just a precaution, as they moved into Jensen's room to be met with bared fangs and growls.
A few quiet words with the dog until he remembered them garnered them a few wary tail thumps as Spencer took his customary post under the bed. A nest of blankets had been provided to make the faithful animal more comfortable.
Moving to the unconscious man's bedside they were shocked to their cores. The year and half they'd been separated did not rest easy on the younger man. The still handsome face was scarred, drawn and weathered-strands of grey appeared sporadically through the reddish brown hair and beard.
Christian turned in time to catch Steve as his knees buckled at the sight.
"I did this." He gasped trying to contain the guilt flooding his system as he looked down at Jensen.
"We all played our part." Christian stated bluntly. "No one spoke up until it was too late. We can only hope he'll let us make it up to him. If we're really lucky he might let us love him again." Christian voice was calm, but somber.
Several hours had passed before Jensen started to come out from under the drugs. As the tired green eyes started to focus, they widened then narrowed.
"What are you doing here?" His tone was bitter.
"The boys saw the helicopter on TV and we watched them bring you into the hospital." Christian answered.
"Still doesn't answer my question."
"For you. We're here for you."
"Shame I wasn't a little slower. It wouldn't have saved y'all a trip." Jensen sneered.
The men gasped at the hard words. They had never given a thought to how Jensen would react if they saw each other again. They assumed he was alive because the supplies kept being delivered and the Colonel hadn't sent Jensen's dog tags like he did Parker's, but to see the effect of their words and actions, to hear Jensen say it would have been better if he died filled both men with fear and guilt.
"You don't mean that." Steve stepped toward the bed a hand reaching out to touch.
Gold flecked eyes mocked the blond. "I died the night my family," the word sounded like a vilest of curses, "left me sitting in the yard like I was yesterday trash. My body's just been too stupid to get with the program and la down."
"Jenny…" Christian started as he helped Steve sit.
"Died. What's the matter Christian? Don't you like Jake? You made him. Jake is the perfect scout. There's nothing he won't do to get what he needs. Beg, steal, lie, seduce, fuck, intimidate, even kill." He ran a hand over his face. "Go home Christian. I'm afraid there won't be any more goody bags. Military doesn't pay crippled scouts."
"We don't care about that. We want you to come home. We realized what unreasonable asses we were, but when we looked for you the next morning you were already gone." Blue eyes glistened with tears.
"We called…left messages. When you didn't answer we didn't know where else to look until yesterday." Steve pleaded. "Please come home."
"No. You don't get it. Jensen is dead-only Jake remains, and Jake's not fit company for decent folk." He turned his head and closed his eyes shutting them out.
Steve opened his mouth to try again, but Christian grabbed his arm and shook his head, tugging him out of the room. They met the nurse outside the door.
"He's awake." Christian informed her.
With a nod she continued on.
They started toward the exit when they heard a voice.
"So that's it? You're leaving?"
They looked up to see a man with sandy brown hair standing by the waiting room with three cups of coffee.
"Who the fuck are you to care what we do?" Christian snarled protectively over a devastated Steve.
"A friend of…Jake's…and the Colonel." He jerked his head toward the waiting room. "Get comfortable…unless you really want to leave, I've got some coffee to deliver." He headed toward the soldiers outside Jensen's door.
"So you gonna tuck your tails and run?" The stranger taunted when he got back.
"He doesn't want us here." Steve finally found his voice.
"If you were him would you? He might think the only reason you're here is to see if the gravy train quit running since he's obviously not going into the field again.'
"Who are you?" Christian stood.
"Don't get your panties in a twist, Kane. I'm Rob Huebel. The Colonel's partner and Jake's friend. He stays with us when he lets himself. You two really did a mind fuck on him."
"We tried to fix it, but he wouldn't talk to us. We didn't know how else to find him."
"So now that you found him you're going to run when he didn't welcome you with open arms?" Dark eyes narrowed at the pair. "The man that came to our door was a bundle of pain. Why would he open himself to that again just to assuage your guilt? Did you really think he wouldn't change?"
"You're saying what?" Steve asked. "That somewhere under all that anger and cynicism Jensen Ackles still exists?" The singer's voice was hopeful.
"It's faint and fragmented, but yes, I've seen flashes of Jensen peek out of Jake's hard shell. Now that he's off the front line the two might merge, but what do you care? You're going home."
"Not goin' home." Christian growled. "He shut us out. Thought we'd regroup, try again once we pulled it together."
"I'll warn you now. Whatever you knew about Jensen won't work. He'll be so vile he'll leave you bleeding on the floor. Who knows you may not want him back. If that's the case…decide fast."
"We'll be taking him home." Steve insisted.
Rob smile was nasty. "We'll see."
The next month was hard. Jensen was just as nasty as Rob had predicted. There was a second surgery on his right leg. The two Robs took pity on Christian and Steve and took them home with them. Sandy and Chris, Darren and Rosalee, Beth and Tim took turns coming to the city only to go home down spirited at Jensen's reaction to their visits.
Not happy with the progress of the leg, Dr. Jackson, the orthopedist, called in a friend who specialized in extreme cases. The consultation coincided with three days Christian and Steve had shows scheduled so when they returned to Oklahoma City, they found Jensen had just been taken to recovery after a third operation that had lasted several hours.
Frustration with the lack of progress in their relationship with Jensen and dealing with Jensen's attitude while keeping his temper in check, Christian finally reached the end of his patience.
Jensen was still groggy when they wheeled him in from Recovery. Because they needed him aware for the procedure they'd only given him a light sedative while they worked on his leg using local anesthetic to numb the skin. The doctors needed his nerves functioning so they could graft the wiring of the experimental cybernetic brace into Jensen's nervous system and the skin around his knee.
They couldn't predict how well the knee would heal, but the brace would allow his leg to function. He could walk, drive, ride, do everything he'd done before except run, and he would need to use a cane, especially when the leg was fatigued.
The doctors were watching Jensen and grinning like they'd won the lottery. That was the spark that lit Christian's fuse.
"You waited 'til we went out of town for a gig, then used Jake," he spat the name he hated at the doctor, "as a guinea pig for your Six Million Dollar Man erector set!"
"I assure you, Mr. Kane, Mr. Gray was fully aware of all the risks and benefits to the procedure." The two orthopedists drew back from Christian.
Just as Christian was preparing for round two, a soft voice stopped him cold.
"Kane, quit yer fussin'. The docs were gonna amputate if I didn't."
Christian exchanged a look with Steve before looking over at Jensen.
"Jenny?" The light and dark halves stepped over to the bed.
Jensen's eyes were glazed as he blinked groggily at the couple. The doctors took the opportunity to slip out of the room.
"You're high." Steve stated the obvious.
"As a fuckin' kite." Jensen grinned then sobered. "I loved you guys so much, but I don't know what I did wrong. I don't know why you think I'm a whore-well I kinda am now, but I wasn't then, and if God has any mercy I won't remember this conversation when I wake up again." He rubbed his hands over his face. "I killed them you know…" His voice was low like he was telling a secret. "The day after you threw me out we went into to the park and took them all out so they could never come near our-your home again."
Steve started to ask a question. They both wanted to ask questions while Jensen was…Jensen, but before they could ask, the drugs had pulled the younger man back into unconsciousness. They wondered who would be there when he woke. Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. Jensen or Jake.
It seemed the last surgery had affected Jensen on the most basic of levels, or maybe it had been the prospect of losing his right leg, but it seemed Jensen was around more than Jake.
After a visit with Jensen that was loud enough for them to hear in Norman, the Colonel speculated that being away from the frontline Jensen was allowing his true self to come through. He'd stopped on his way out of the hospital to talk to Christian, Steve and the Carlsons.
"He's never gonna be the man you knew before he left home, and if you expect it or keep comparing the before and after, you're never going to get him back." Riggle warned.
"Ain't none of us the people we were before, Hoss." Christian snapped.
Sandy laid a calming hand on Christian's shoulder. "What happened with Jensen has affected us all, Colonel." Her voice was calm, but firm. "Jensen has always been reserved, tending to fade into the background, but he has always had the strength to step up when the situation called for it. I fear we became insular and intolerant inside our bubble at the ranch."
"I pray that when they release him he'll agree to go home, but he'll always have a place should he decide he can't return to SC-KANE. The way y'all been pussyfootin' around him he'll be gone like smoke." Riggle was blunt.
He wanted to shock them so they didn't get complacent. Jensen was still more than a little inclined to run---figuratively, away from his family when he was released. They had yet to prove they were there out of love rather than guilt.
Turning his back on the group the Colonel grinned. He noticed Kane narrowing those famous baby blues as his words sank into the equally infamous hard head. If Kane could drag the rest of the family on board, they might have a chance.
%%%%%
Jensen gritted his teeth as he maneuvered his wheelchair towards his room. PT had been a bitch, and he'd gone outside to regain control of his temper and the pain. The couple cigarettes he'd practically chain smoked helped somewhat. Being outside had helped with the feelings of claustrophobia. Time watching Spencer run and playing fetch with the big dog eased the bands of tension around his head a little more.
He'd been in the hospital for six weeks. The first four had been full of physical and mental pain.
When he'd woke up and seen Steve and Christian camped by his bedside he'd been nearly blind with rage. If the two Robs would have been present, he'd have shot them all. How dare his friends let the two people who had caused him more pain than Jared and Danneel combined near him when he was at his most vulnerable?
He lashed out. He lashed out at anyone that visited from the ranch. He was Jake Gray at his worst. He'd done his best to drive them back to their safe little nest, but even when they'd left with tear filled eyes, his own heart bleeding from the pain his words caused, they kept coming back. He waited for Kane to blow the roof off the hospital at the things Jensen had said to him and Steve, but the man had taken it right up until his last surgery. Just as the Kane temper started to fire off, Jensen had diffused the situation with things he'd have never said if he was even halfway straight. That the memory of that little scene was still at the forefront of his mind when he woke up the next time hadn't helped his own temper any.
Away from the stress of being in the field, and not having to always on guard, more of his true self started to emerge. When they'd allowed him access to a wheelchair, he'd started tending Spencer himself, the faithful animal clinging stubbornly to his side.
Instead of getting back in bed, Jensen rolled over to the window, thankful the room was empty. Sensing his master's distress, Spencer squirmed and wiggled until his front end rested in Jensen's lap. He buried his fingers in the soft coat until the weight in his mind caused him to lower his head and bury his face in the dog's fur.
%%%%%
Fear gripped the hearts of the two men that stepped in the room after having lunch. They were expecting Jensen to be asleep, but to see him with his face buried in Spencer's neck unnerved them. The Mellinois' soft growl caused him to raise his head. The red rimmed eyes spoke volumes.
Steve and Christian both started forward only to be brought up short when Jensen spoke to Spencer then spun his chair around to face them, eyes sparking gold with anger.
"Why are you here? Why are you always here? I've got nothing for you. I'm done. There's no more. No extra hard to get supplies-nothing. There's no need for you to hang around here like you care. No need to drag everyone nearly 400 miles to try and prove you care. You have no obligation here. I'm all used up and of no use to anyone. SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKIN' LEAVE!"
Stunned they could only blink. Seconds turned into minutes as the men stared at one another.
The impasse was broken with one word.
"No." Steve said quietly.
"No?!" Jensen repeated dumbfounded. "Why the hell not!?" His voice started to rise again.
"We love you. This is what you do when you love someone." Steve's voice remained calm.
"LOVE ME! You called me a whore then the whole family got up and followed YOU while I sat in the dark alone."
Steve cringed, but didn't back down. He made this mess he felt it was up to him to fix it.
"I was wrong and angry and afraid. You were out tracking down bandits and kidnappers and who knows what else. You were a fucking actor and director not fucking Dean Winchester." Steve's voice went up as he tried to make Jensen understand.
"This actor and director killed a man to save your mother's life." Jensen's voice and eyes were flat.
Christian's hand on Steve's shoulder steadied him. The golden gaze followed the movement.
"Let's hear your excuse, Kane. While we're airing our dirty laundry for the whole fuckin' hospital to hear, you might as well have your say." Jensen started to stand. He really needed to move.
Pain shooting up his thigh left him gasping. Spencer shoved against him so he went back down in the chair. When the pain subsided to a manageable scream he unlocked the brakes and headed for the exit.
"JENSEN!" Christian made a grab for the handles.
"Kane, you touch this chair and I will break your arm. I'm going to have a cigarette. You can stay or you can go I really don't give a rat's ass." He headed down the hall, Spencer trotting at his side.
Exchanging a look, they jogged to catch up.
They found him sitting in the shade of the Spanish Oaks, Spencer lay panting on one of the stone benches.
Christian started to speak, but before any words came out, Jensen started.
"You broke your vows." He looked out over the hospital lawn refusing to look at the men who'd been his best friends then lovers for the better part of 12 years. "You vowed to me," the rough voice almost broke, but Jensen got his control back, "that Christmas you vowed you would never leave me. I was so stupid. I told you-I said, 'shouldn't ever git between two people who love each other.' I thought you loved me, too."
"Dammit, Jenny. I do, we do." Christian kneeled in front of the wheelchair. "Since the first day we met it's always been my first instinct to protect Steve, even though I know he can handle himself. While I was reachin' out to him I should have been reachin' out to you, too. Ya both needed me that night, and I fucked up, and we all paid for it."
Though they sparkled with tears, Jensen's eyes were their usual moss green when he looked up at the two men crouched in front of his wheelchair.
"I know your knees gotta be killin' ya, Kane. Sit yer ass on the bench." Jensen growled.
He shoved his hands in the pockets of his robe to hide his clenched fists.
"I need you to do something." Jensen stated simply. "I need you to go home."
"WHAT!"
"NO!"
"JENSEN!"
The voices usually so in harmony were mangled and discordant.
Jensen held up his hand for quiet.
"I could be here for days, weeks, maybe months. You can't be away from the ranch and your lives that long. You have to go home."
"But…" Steve started.
"No Steve." You have a life…a life that works fine without me. I have no life…no home. Haven't had one for a year and a half. Now that I'm no further use to the US Marines, I have to figure it out."
"Jenny…" Christian tried.
"Let me finish." Jensen barked. "I don't know if I have enough heart left to take another chance whether with you or someone else."
This caused sounds of dismay from the two men on the bench.
"I can't do that and rehab with you breathing down my neck all the time. I can't open my eyes every day and see the expectant looks on your faces waiting for me to say what you want to hear so your guilt will go away. You have to live with the consequences of your actions and so do I. That means figuring out if I can still love and trust you again or if I'm even capable of feeling anything remotely like that again."
The men sat in silence for several minutes before Jensen called Spencer and rolled back into the hospital.
Epilogue
Three Months Later
"Colonel Riggle."
"Where is he?"
"Hello Kane."
"Where?"
"Don't know. Checked himself out of the hospital three weeks ago and disappeared."
Silence.
Christmas Eve 2014
They knew the winter storm was howling outside the house, but inside was warm with a cheery fire burning in the wood stove, music moving through the rooms as the family was gathered around enjoying the special treats that meant Christmas to each one. Eyes would occasionally turn to the guitar sitting alone in the corner as the voices lifted in a wonderful harmony.
Unnoticed two shadows moved quietly through the outer passage towards the inner door. Sounds and smells that were familiar caught sensitive noses…smells that said the intruders were pack wafted around the door. They sat like the guitar waiting for the one who was missing, but now…
Excited whines from Evita and Cody drew Christian's attention to the dogs now sitting by the door quivering like bowstrings. He started to stand as the door opened. Only one person had a key for that door.
Everyone froze as a shaggy coated Spencer slipped through the door running point for his master who was just as shaggy leaning heavily on an intricately carved cane. Man and dog stood barely inside the door waiting.
Two voices stuttered brokenly.
"Jense?"
"Jenny?"
Guitars were hastily propped against the coffee table as they moved through the room dodging legs, boys and babies.
They were careful not to knock him off balance as they wrapped around him and buried their faces against his neck. Wrapping his arms around their shoulders, the three men stood and absorbed what had been missing.
Jensen lifted his face from where he'd buried it against the shoulders of the light and dark halves of his soul to see the faces of his family smiling tearfully, waiting for their turn to welcome him home.
"Merry Christmas." Jensen rasped out, voice choked with emotion.
"It is now." Christian and Steve said together.
~ Fini ~
