![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Author: YanzaDracan
Fandom: KANE RPS
Characters: Christian; Steve; Jensen/Danneel; usual cast of characters
Warning: Character Death
Word Count: 7,381
Rating: PG for language
Summary: Friday picture prompt #9. Some people weren't satisfied with the way the first one ended soooo here's the other ending.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They belong only to themselves, and the people that created them. This is a figment of my imagination and a work of fiction. I'm not making any money. Any mistakes are mine.
Throwing his keys in the bowl by the door, he leaned against the cool wood trying to convince his body that if it moved just a few more feet it could stretch out on the bed that was far more comfortable than the wooden floor of the entryway.
He'd spent the day working on ballads for the CD. They'd finished the day with Different Kind of Knight. He'd nailed it in one take, but he and Eric had been working on verbage for his interview with Last.fm, and the intro they'd come up with for the song about his reasons for writing it still bounced through his brain like a poison arrow.
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
Boots were dropped by the door, his button down shirt on the couch, his wife beater on the bathroom floor, jeans and socks by the bed as he literally crawled under his comforter. He shivered until the flannel sheets warmed. He blessed Sandy every day for giving them to him. He was already asleep as his hand drug the pillow under the covers to cradle the heavy head.
He was relieved when he checked his calendar with his morning coffee and saw he only had a couple radio stops to make this afternoon. He'd go by the studio in between and check to see how soon they'd be sending the master to the mixers.
He started his round of the kitchen looking for something that appealed. Not finding anything he decided to go for a run. Maybe that'd whet his appetite.
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
The words started again, but he quashed them as he grabbed his keys and headed down the street.
He wasn't sure if he was happy or just relieved that there was finally going to be a CD. After so many years and so many promises it was like a weight he hadn't realized he'd been carrying had been lifted from his shoulders.
Day after tomorrow he'd be on a plane to DFW going to Jensen's wedding. He was looking forward to seeing Steve and the rest of their friends. It'd been ages since he'd seen any of them. He'd talked to them on the phone, Skype and Twitter, but it wasn't the same. He hadn't realized how lonely his life had been until the boys started coming to Portland. Having Steve with him had been both agony and ecstasy. Their on again off again relationship was on at the moment since the dancer Steve had been dating in Vegas dumped him for some high roller.
He loved seeing his friends and family happy, but seeing them get married, have babies and settle down seemed to add to his own loneliness. His sister was pregnant again, but instead of stopping by to see her when he traveled back and forth between Oregon and Tennessee he made excuses to stay away.
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
They didn't need him around while Mama was excited about another grandbaby. He couldn't take her sad eyes when she looked at him still alone-still chasing all those dreams of the lonely child sitting in his room praying to be somebody someday.
He ruthlessly squashed those thoughts again. He didn't stop until he was standing in the shower. Then he kept his thoughts firmly on the upcoming radio tour, the two movies he was filming-they weren't award winners, but he was getting to work with some great people that could help him in other ways, and he was going to get to hang out with Riley for a couple weeks before heading back to Portland.
Groaning to himself as he sat at the kitchen counter his bagel with Nutella forgotten, he filled in his calendar from Eric's email. He rubbed his hands over his face.
*Holy shit, the man's tryin' to kill me. Gettin' back to Leverage after Christmas will be a fuckin' vacation. *
He thought as he looked at his schedule between now and Christmas. The only time he had time to sleep was on airplanes. The up side was he'd get time with Steve, the downside was watching the blond leave with some one night stand after the show.He pulled up his Twitter account to see if Steve left any clues to where he was. As a member of the wedding party, he had to be in Dallas early for fittings, rehearsals and dinners, and had decided to drive from Las Vegas to Dallas. Knowing how distracted Steve would get from the words and music swirling through his brain, he worried about him getting to Jensen's on time and in one piece. He hoped the boy remembered to come to the airport on Friday to pick him up…wouldn't be the first time Steve forgot about him.
They were driving back to Nashville, he thought briefly about stopping in Tulsa, but decided to wait until after the new baby arrived. Everyone would be focused on his sister and the baby freeing him from probing questions by nosy, well-meaning relatives.
A chill ran down his spine as he read about Steve's adventure getting lost in Albuquerque. *How the hell did he manage that? There was no need for him to get that far from the Interstate. Albuquerque was not known for kindness to strangers that wondered into places they didn't belong, and was relieved when he read further that Steve had made it back to the Interstate without too much trouble.
Needing serious distraction from his maudlin thoughts of his sometimes lover, weddings and babies, he got dressed and went to bother Bob and Jimmy, and if he got lost in the music, Eric would be around to make sure he made it to his appointments.
********************
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
He'd collected his duffel and guitar from the baggage carousel, but had yet to see Steve. Resigned to taking a cab to the hotel, he settled his computer bag so he could pull his duffel and carry his guitar. Why he brought the guitar was still a mystery. The cabbie popped the trunk when a familiar pickup pulled alongside and a frazzled Steve Carlson rushed around the font of the truck toward him.
"Christian, man, I'm sorry. Final fittings took longer than we thought…"
Steve continued to ramble as he relieved him of his duffel and threw it in the backseat of the crew cab. He set his guitar on the other side letting the singer's voice flow over his nerves, letting it seep into his bones and soothe his soul.
By the time they found a parking spot in the hotel garage, Steve was starting to worry. Christian had barely said a handful of words, and the surprised look on his face when he'd pulled next to the cab at the airport had shaken him badly.
The fact that his ears were still ringing from Jensen giving him some home truths about him and Christian, and actually seeing the truth of those words on Christian's face made him feel like the biggest ass on the planet.
"Jensen put us in the same room-it that's okay with you?" Steve asked as they waited for the elevator.
"That's fine unless that'll cramp your style." Christian sounded exhausted.
"What?! No! I mean-it's all good."
The ride to the lobby passed in silence.
********************
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
He gave Steve a sharp look when the singer grabbed his duffel and guitar out of the truck. Checked in and settling into their room, Steve had kept up a quiet litany about everything and nothing. His next surprise was Steve chasing him off to shower while he ordered room service. After all they couldn't go to Jensen's bachelor party on an empty stomach.
By midnight he was ready to check for microchips and secret panels because the man was acting more like Stepford Steve than the Steve Carlson of the past few years.
He was trying to think of a way to leave without making Jensen go into mother hen mode. He'd just finished concocting his excuse when the man himself pulled a chair up so close Jensen was sitting with his leg between his thighs.
Before he could protest Jensen was in his lap hugging him like it was their last goodbye.
*What the…?!?!?*
His mind started racing when he felt the full lips against his ear. Before he could protest, Jensen sat back in his chair, but the hand remained on his thigh. He had no time to collect his thoughts before Jensen's smooth baritone was asking questions that he heard himself answering truthfully.
The prickle of tears made him blink rapidly as he looked at the younger man. Jensen had been a good friend to him and Steve both, never taking sides when the two of them clashed.
"Dammit, Jenny!" He growled. "We keep on and next thing ya know I'll be wearin' a dress on Danni's side of the aisle."
"Not with those legs, Kane." Jensen teased.
Catching movement out of the corner of his eye, he looked over Jensen's shoulder to see Steve moving their way-an expression on his face he'd never seen before.
"Strike out with the bartender?" There was an edge to Jensen's voice.
*Shit. Jenny was on the warpath.*
He stood, pulling Jensen with him."I was just tellin' Jen I'm callin' it a night." He pulled Jensen into a hug. "Quit pokin' him with your sharp stick, Bubba." He whispered in the freckled ear. "See y'all at the weddin' tomorrow?"
"Oh hell no. You're doin' breakfast with us." Jensen demanded. "Eight o'clock sharp right here in this room."
"He recognized me and wanted an autograph for his girlfriend." Steve was still looking at him with that odd expression.
Jensen gave him one last hug. He felt something slip into his back pocket. *What was Jen up to?*
"Don't make me come lookin' for you before I've had coffee." His green eyes twinkled with affection and mischief.
He ducked his head. The time he'd spent with Jensen lifted the black cloud that had settled on his shoulders as the younger man's care and affection had spread like a balm over his scarred heart. Without Jensen and Danneel he probably wouldn't have made through the last couple years. The younger couple often made it a point to come to Portland even when nothing special was happening. The last few times he and Jen had fooled around with some chords and lyrics, actually putting together a couple decent songs he wanted to show Bob.
Jensen's smile could have rivaled the sun when he saw the soft shy look on Christian's face saying all the things the man would seldom say out loud.
The mood was broken when Steve stepped between them.
"He's sleepin' with me so that won't be a problem." Steve practically growled.
The muscles in his neck protested at the sharp jerk as he looked at Steve then Jensen. Green eyes clashed with blue. Just as he thought he was going to have to step between his two friends, Jensen smiled and nodded, but there was a nasty edge to the smile he gave Steve.
"See you boys in the mornin'." He walked toward the bar.
********************
Steve had shocked himself. After dinner Christian seemed to climb inside his own head and shut the door. Jensen's words still rang through his head, but the bartender was hot, and Christian never complained when Steve asked…his brain stuttered to a stop as Jensen's words dovetailed into his thoughts.
*Christian never complained.*
When he went in and out of Christian's bed like a revolving door, the man never said a word. He'd be moody for a few days, a week at the most, then he acted like everything fine. *Acted…actors…Dammit…* Christian's unique chuckle floated to his ears as he signed an autograph for the bartender. He took a drink of his beer as he scanned the room. He finally spotted Christian sitting with Jensen, their heads close together.
The strangest thing happened. Christian turned his head and he thought he saw tears in the blue/grey eyes, he saw Jensen's hand on the muscular thigh, then Jensen pulled Christian close and was saying something in his ear as his blood pressure started to rise.
He knew he was being irrational. Jensen was as close to Christian as he was to him. Jen had a way of getting people to spill their guts even if they didn't normally. He would turn quietly stubborn until you gave in and told him what he wanted to know.
As he approached the men he saw the storm clouds gather as gold entered his friend's clear green eyes.
"Strike out with the bartender?" There was an edge to Jensen's voice that shocked him.
Before he could answer, Christian stepped between them, and finished saying goodnight to Jensen. Then before he could stop the words they were hanging in the air.
"He's sleepin' with me so that won't be a problem."
*Well fuck.*
Silence filled the elevator.
********************
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
He'd been shocked when Steve acted jealous toward Jensen. After all Jenny was marrying the beautiful Danni tomorrow and Steve never cared where he slept before. Though he joked with the crowds that they'd started KANE for the pussy and whiskey…he hadn't really done much chasing since he and Steve had started whatever this dance was they were doing…
*FUCK!*
He laid his head back against the elevator wall. If Steve hadn't been standing in the car with him he would banged his head on the wall because apparently he'd given his heart to the blond singer without realizing the organ had gone missing.
*He'd gotten married and not even known it. He was so fucked, and not in a good way.*
********************
He turned just enough to watch Christian out of the corner of his eye when he heard a quiet thud. His partner was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, his face pale. Wanting to pull him into his arms and chase away whatever thought had put that expression on the rugged face surprised him. Like most siblings, only he got to hurt Christian, anybody else hurt the brunette and they would answer to him. That thought gave him pause. Jensen had said that-said that he hurt Christian every time he came back to Christian's bed after his latest fling ended. He hadn't thought their relationship was more than best friends with mind blowing benefits, but now that he actually stopped and looked he realized he hadn't seen Christian with anyone since their last tour of Europe five or six years before.
*FUCK!*
Christian had fallen in love, and never told him because he didn't think he felt the same. The untamable Christian Kane had settled. He almost laughed out loud at the thought of Kane settling-but he had-settled into the role of long suffering spouse with yours truly starring as the tomcatting spouse.
*Well that certainly explained the dirty looks and cold shoulders he'd gotten the times he'd shown up Dante's with a woman. How come no one told him his life was a soap opera? Oh wait! They did. He'd just been too distracted to notice.*
Both men breathed a sigh of relief when the elevator doors opened.
********************
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
The flickering of the muted Weather Channel and the smell of coffee greeted him the next morning. Christian stared at the screen sipping from his cup. Focusing on the TV, he saw what was causing the crease between Christian's eyebrows.
A streak of red ran from Dallas to Tulsa predicting severe thunderstorms and Tor-Con values of 6. He sat up rubbing his hands over his face.
"Christian?" He asked softly.
Christian shook off his concern with a roll of his shoulders.
"You should get ready."
He wanted to yell with frustration. Every time they were separated he always had to chisel his way through Christian's armor. That some of the layers of that armor were of his own making only added to his need to shred something or someone. The elevator ride to the room where the groom's breakfast was being held was used to tamp down his ire and watch for any crack that he could use as a way inside. As the car slowed Christian bounced on his toes once or twice before shaking himself as he settled his persona for the day.
*Fuckin' actors.*
Christian and Jensen were just too good at what they did and it irritated the hell out of him. His one consolation of the day-his mom and dad would ride on herd on Christian until he was freed from his duties as member of the wedding party.Let the games begin.
********************
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
A feeling of wrongness woke him from the first sound sleep he'd had in months. There was nothing on his phone so he turned on the TV. Spring in 'Tornado Alley' was always a challenge, and this spring was no exception. Seeing the bright red swath across the weather map had his shoulders drawing up around his ears with tension.
Not wanting to disturb Steve, he sent texts while the coffee brewed, then went looking for the jeans he'd worn the night before. He wanted to see what Jensen had slipped in his pocket.
Before he could read the note wrapped around a keycard his phone beeped. The answers he received reassured him enough to get him through until the next agreed check-in. Rustling bedclothes and noises that were as familiar to him as breathing had him settling himself for the next part of he and Steve fitting back into each other's space.
Feeling Steve's concern he pulled his head into his shoulders and brushed him off. With the closing of the bathroom door he reached for the hated flatiron as he started the process of taming wild and wooly Kane into a Christian that wouldn't cause Jensen to worry. When he stood the note and keycard fell on the carpet.
'If you need a place to stay #2250… J & D.' The warmth that filled his chest took his breath and caused the tears to well. Never had he had two better friends.
Confined in the elevator, he could feel the irritation rolling off Steve in waves, but he wasn't ready to let his partner get close-yet. He was honest enough with himself to know he'd eventually give in, but it was not going to be anytime soon. He fingered the card in his pocket and wondered what it meant.
The night he'd jogged down the steps at Dante's after a show to find some skinny blonde exercising Rule #7 with his lover in his 'house' had lit the fuse on his temper that had security scampering and apologizing as Steve stammered while trying to get his jeans zipped over his erection. He'd hidden his pain under his anger, and Steve's red-eye flight back to Vegas had left the issue unresolved.
He was relieved knowing Steve would be seated with the other groomsmen, but when the elevator door opened and he saw Sandy and Chris waiting for them he wanted to growl his own frustration.
********************
Sitting at the head table, he watched Christian check his phone and pick at his breakfast. From his vantage point he took time to really look and to actually 'see' Christian. The handsome face showed weight loss in the sharp angles of the high cheekbones. The crease was still present between his eyebrows meaning whatever he'd been worried about in the room was still a problem.
He smiled softly as he watched his mother cajoling Christian. His lips thinned when he saw Jensen out of the corner of his eye. The younger man wrapped an arm around his shoulders and under the guise of giving him his gift as a member of the wedding party gave him a little something extra.
"I'm glad you didn't take them from him." He whispered.
"Jen…" He tried.
"Fix it or end it so Christian can quit killin' himself over this toxic relationship y'all got goin'." He looked up at Sandy, Chris and Christian. "I love you both, but Danni and I'll take him if you don't want him anymore." A squeeze and slap on the shoulder and Jensen moved on before he could formulate an answer.
He watched Jensen amble over to where his parents were sitting with Christian. What did he mean they'd take Christian? And do what with him?...Shock ran through his system. Surely it couldn't be what he was thinking-yeah Jensen and Danneel had been together for several years, but seriously…?
To say he was shocked didn't even come close to what he was feeling. Anger, jealousy and fear were jockeying for first place in his chest. After breakfast there were pictures then the line-up for the processional, and Christian was still with his parents, still looking worried.
While the couple had been going through the reception rituals, he'd been checking messages and Twitter. Reading Christian's Tweets had him wanting to get this all over with so he could get to the other side of the room.
After what seemed like an eternity, he was free. He parked himself in a chair so close to Christian they were breathing the same air. His mother frowned at his behavior while his dad shook his head. His mother saved him by wanting a picture of 'her boys' dressed up.
Right before the first dance he looked around the ballroom to for Christian. He saw him cornered with Jensen and Danneel, the newlyweds shielding Christian from the rest of the room. They pulled him into a hug, both of them whispering in his ear. The pole-axed expression on Christian's face gave him an indication of what was being whispered. They finally released him to start the dancing, but as he walked back toward the table, his expression went from shock to wonder, and the smile that broke across his face was like the sun through a thunderstorm.
********************
Trying to fill the time until the next round of family texts, he made some Tweets to cover his worry over his family in Tulsa. Jensen and Danneel had cornered him as he came out of the bathroom. The explanation for the key, the things they whispered in his ear had shocked him to the soles of his Tony Lama's. The fact that they'd asked him on their wedding day-at their reception no less-left no doubt in his mind of how serious they were. The warmth started in his groin and spread to the roots of his hair until the only thing he could do was smile like the Cheshire Cat.
His phone buzzed. Texts from the family…'danger passed.' He frowned when he saw his Twitter account on the screen. He really didn't give a lot of thought to what he posted, but Steve plastered against his side had him re-reading them. He snorted. No wonder Sandy and Chris were treating him with kid gloves and when Jensen whispered in the singer's ear causing a look of shock that left Steve almost hyperventilating, he was convinced that the drive to Nashville was going to be do or die. After what the bride and groom had whispered in his ear, he realized that was okay. As much as he loved and was committed to Steve, he was tired of waiting for crumbs of his attention and sloppy seconds. He hoped if he ended up kicking Steve out of his bed that their friendship survived.
Sandy and Chris went off to dance and Steve decided it was a good time to talk. He held his hand up to forestall the words.
"Tomorrow when we're on the road. This is Jen and Danni's day."
Steve nodded his agreement, but spent the rest of the day never more than an arm's length from him.
********************
They started the night in separate beds, but during the night Steve had slid under the covers and wrapped around him allowing them both to relax into a deep sleep.
After breakfast with Chris and Sandy, they loaded their gear in Steve's truck. He was surprised to see both Steve's favorite guitars in the backseat with his. Steve threw him the keys and settled in the passenger seat with his acoustic and notebook.
********************
He watched Christian stand outside the truck staring at his key ring. It was one of the first gifts Christian had ever given him. Without a word he climbed in the truck and headed east.
Silence reigned the first hundred miles, Steve working on some songs he was co-writing and producing for a couple of youngsters that showed a lot of promise. He slid his pencil behind his ear.
"I'm sorry." He said simply.
He wasn't sure if he meant about the blonde or everything in general.
"I tried, but short of punching her…" He trailed off.
"That's sexual assault, rape, non-consensual…"
"Yeah that would look good going across the 'Net'." Steve laughed bitterly. "I get charged with assault if I push her away and I'm a laughing stock if I file a complaint."
"S'why most men won't press charges."
Taking a quick look he caught the surprise on Steve's face before he turned his attention back to the highway.
********************
They took a break at Texarkana. Christian had pushed hard to make up miles because of their late start. He'd finished the songs that had to be done, and had been writing down some things that had been scrambling through his brain.
When he came out of the store, he was surprised to see Christian sitting on the tailgate smoking one of his cigarettes. He plucked the cigarette out of his fingers and took the last couple drags before stubbing it out.
He waited until Christian had the cruise control engaged before he jumped in again.
"You know nothing I did was meant to hurt you. I didn't…I wouldn't…you know I…" He wanted to kick his own ass for his stuttering. There were just too many words for him to get them out straight.
"Don't matter. I know I'm no prize in the significant other category. Just like the song says, man."
Now he was speechless. Christian thought it was okay for him to trample his heart because he wasn't prime boyfriend material. This was so not good. Not knowing how to answer that, he grabbed his guitar off the back seat, and asked Christian to help him sort out a song that was being difficult.
They stopped for supper at Brown's Country Buffet in Benton, Arkansas. He'd heard Christian wax poetic about this buffet for years. Stepping inside the door he just stared at the array of food in the room.
He groaned as he finally pushed back from the table. One more forkful of food and he'd have to unbutton his jeans to breathe. Christian was nursing a cup of coffee waiting on him to finish. He frowned at the half plate of food sitting by the denim clad elbow. He thought about asking until he saw the closed expression on Christian face, who forestalled any questions by tossing a few dollars on the table and heading for the door. He made to follow when he saw doodles on the placemat. Hoping for a clue he snatched it up.
Stopping to light a cigarette, he turned as though shielding the flame from the breeze and read the words-
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
His knees nearly buckled as recognized the words Christian used when introducing Different Kind of Knight. Jensen had been right, damn him. Treating his best friend like a convenient bed warmer had hurt Christian more than he realized. He crushed the damning placemat and threw it in the trash can as he headed for the truck.
Turning the corner he saw Christian talking to a man standing next to a beautiful tractor-trailer rig. The extravagant number of yellow marker lights and neon ground effects highlighted the sparkling chrome and custom paint job. The driver's hand on Christian's shoulder as he pointed to something on the side of the truck had him grinding his teeth.
His first instinct was to snatch Christian away from the stranger's hand. That brought him up short. He had no right to protest-had no formal claim on Christian. That's what he wanted…right? No commitments…no strings…tipsy gypsy. Christian was the perfect partner. He made no demands…made no complaints…never turned him away when he slid under Mama Kane's quilt and wrapped around her son. A picture of Christian walking away with Jensen and Danneel flashed across his mind's eye.
*AW HELL NO! Not happening! They were getting' this shit straight tonight!*
********************
'No good for anybody.'
'Can't be trusted.'
'Always apologizin'.'
'Drifter.'
'Gypsy.'
Hearing the crunch of gravel, he almost smiled. Steve thought he was being quiet, but he could feel the tension coming off the blond as he practically stalked across the parking lot. He turned his head and saw Steve's step stutter when their eyes met. He saw the shiver run through the trim frame before he started forward again.
"You 'bout ready to get back on the road?"
The voice sounded calm, but he knew all the nuances of that voice. There was an underlying note of jealousy.
"Yeah. Jist waitin' on you." He looked at the trucker. "Good talkin' to ya, man. Keep safe." He shook the man's hand before they headed for the pickup.
For the next 175 miles they talked about their friends, the wedding, Leverage, the upcoming radio and band tour-everyone and everything but themselves, but the second they were settled in their room with a cold beer after a shower, the kid gloves came off.
"I didn't like it." He stated flatly.
"What?" He asked confused.
"Seeing strange hands on you."
Broad shoulders shrugged.
"Not your call."
A deep breath to center himself.
"I want it to be."
Eyes grey in their turmoil narrowed.
"Since when."
"The spider bite I think, but I'm a little slow on occasion."
"Uh, you don't say." He drained his beer and grabbed another out of the mini-bar.
He settled back on his bed.
Running his hands through wet hair left it sticking in several directions.
"Well?"
"Well nothing. You've always been jealous of other people touching your toys. Me, Jensen, Rose, Darren, Danni, Jason…anyone you consider yours."
Blue eyes widened. "What?!"
Laughter came from the other bed. "Oh, darlin'. You don't even know. For all your claims to be a laid back, California free spirit, you're a possessive little shit." The rugged face sobered suddenly. "So doesn't change much. I'm just one in a long list."
"WHAT?! NO!! It's not like that, Kane."
A snort of disbelief came from the other bed.
"I LOVE YOU!"
Eyes full of hurt and sadness met his.
"Then what's wrong with me that you need someone else? You always leave."
"Nothing." He launched himself across the space between the beds pinning Christian. "I'm the one too dense to see what's been there all along. It wasn't 'til the wedding that I realized…" He buried his face in Christian's neck.
"Realized what, Stevie?" He asked quietly.
"What it would feel like if I lost you." He mumbled against warm skin, breathing in the scent that was love and home.
"Why would you lose me?"
"You were all inside your head, and not talking, then Jensen chewed me out, then you were sitting with Jen practically in your lap, whispering in your ear…they were going to take you…" Steve closed his mouth so fast he rattled his teeth.
Christian tried to hide the smile that wanted to break free. Wouldn't due to let Steve off the hook so easy.
"Who was going to take me?" He loosened his wrists from the blond's grip and flipped their positions.
"Jensen and Danni." He pouted.
"Why? What did they say?"
"Jensen said if I didn't fix you or cut you lose, they were going to take you and keep you."
"Oh." Christian was so shocked he rolled off Steve and sat up. "They want to keep me?" His tone said he thought otherwise, but this gave considerable weight to what the couple had said at the reception.
"Yeah."
He reached up and turned out the light pulling Steve tight to his chest.
"Christian?" Steve tried to turn, but the heavily muscled arm held him in place.
"When we get home."
As they drove toward Nashville the next morning, he did some heavy duty thinking about Jensen and Danneel when there was a lull in conversation. They wanted him all the time. Not just to add a little spice to their marital bed, but for the everyday things, too. A family, a home-it wasn't normal, but hell nothing about his life was normal. Steve was his soul, he had loved him forever, and would continue to do so, but the pain of Steve's waffling affections was shredding his heart leaving him in constant pain. After five years he didn't know how much more he could take before he turned on his partner causing everything to go up in flames.
********************
*Home.*
That word haunted him through breakfast and as they drove toward Nashville. *Where did Christian consider home? Tulsa where his family lived? Portland? He loved the members of his Leverage family. LA? He-They had a lot of friends there. Nashville? Christian loved acting, but music was his passion, plus it was where he spent his off time, when he had any.* He rolled his eyes as he tried to concentrate on his book.
He finally gave up. Tossing the book in the backseat, he turned to look out of the window.
*Did he want a magnanimous relationship? Was Christian right when he said he didn't like strangers around his things…his friends, family…lovers? Sex was never their problem. Even when things were tense between them the sex ran the gamut from gentle and sweet to down and dirty. It was his own wandering eye that was the problem. He was like a magpie-when he saw something pretty and shiny he wanted to take it home and play with it until the shiny wore off.
When the bloom went off the rose he had a physical and emotional safety net. A beautiful curly haired man who loved him in spite of himself, who had stood beside him for twelve years, and who he used shamelessly when he didn't want to be alone between playthings. My god he was selfish. Christian for all his appreciation of beautiful things was faithful to the bottom of his Okie soul, and had a seemingly bottomless well of love for his friends and family. Damn Jensen for making him look at himself. This sucked and not in a fun way.
A stop at the grocery store had Steve down to his last nerve. Unloading the truck and settling everything in the house was finally completed and still Christian remained stubbornly silent.
"Christian?"
"Hmmm." Christian's answer was distracted as he made a pitcher of sweet iced tea.
"Where's home?"
Calloused hands gently cupped his face.
"My home has always been where you are, darlin', it's one of the reasons I never minded being on the road…my home stood at my right hand." He paused to take a steadying breath. "I love you like my next breath, but you're killing me one groupie, one show girl, bartender, roadie, whoever at a time. I don't ever want to not love you, but it's hard and it gets harder every time you leave my bed for someone else's, or you come home with that dog in the manger expression on your face. I don't want to change you just like you don't try to change me, but I can't keep doing this dance. You're welcome in my life everywhere but my bed." He felt the sting of tears, but did nothing to try and stop them. "If the day ever comes where I'm all you need then I'll welcome you back there, too. Don't be mad at Jenny. I've been avoiding this…and whether I take Jen and Danni up on their offer…well I have to think about that, too, but I don't want to lose any of my family. It took me too long to find you."
Christian dropped his hands and stepped back watching, heedless of the tears staining his cheeks.
********************
He felt the tears on his own cheeks. He was in awe of the man standing in front of him. He was also pissed and hurt and too many things to even begin to look for the words, but underneath everything he knew Christian was right. He loved him, period, but and there was always a but. He pulled Christian into a hug, burying his nose in the long dark curls memorizing the smell and feel of the man.
"I'll put my gear in the guest room."
Epilogue
Five years later
Before the cab stopped the blond hair man grabbed his bag and ran through the entrance. He didn't need directions, he made this run before, but that time there had been only joy and excitement. This time there was fear and dread.
He slid to a stop in front of the large window watching the two men holding each other, a small bundle of pink between them. With the eerie ability both had to know when he was around, they looked up and he saw tears sparkling in the glare of the fluorescent lights.
The men exchanged a few words before handing the baby to the nurse and coming toward him. The three men came together in the hall, not talking just giving and taking comfort. When they separated, questions were asked and answered silently.
"I have to see to Danni." Jensen said tiredly as he untangled himself from supporting arms.
"We'll all go."Christian insisted as he and Steve moved down the hall with the younger man.
As they walked, they began making calls.
********************
Using a bare foot to keep the swing moving, he smiled down at the beautiful red-head in his arms. He looked over the backyard of his Hendersonville, Tennessee home listening to sounds of dogs exercising their children as the adults kept an eye out and relaxed on the deck.
When he and Steve had ended their sexual relationship he waited until it was time to go back to Portland before calling Jensen and Danneel. He'd been amazed at the ease in which they fit into each others' lives. Jensen had stayed with Supernatural through Season 7, but refused anymore. He and Danni moved to Nashville for an extended vacation and to help with his second CD.
Steve remained a part of their lives, but when business at The Sound Parlor demanded more of his attention, Jensen had stepped into his spot on KANE's tour opening for Rascal Flats. At the end of the tour, Danneel announced she had found them the perfect house in Hendersonville and she was pregnant.
Another season of Leverage finished, Jensen finished a fairly high profile movie, which garnered strong reviews, they settled in their new house, with a state of the art recording studio that was fast becoming the eastern base for The Sound Parlor, and all his dreams were coming true.
His greatest birthday present ever was when their son, Daniel Ross Ackles Kane was born. The pregnancy had been hard, but Danneel had come through the birth like a champ. Three sets of grandparents had been confused over their relationship, but the birth of dark haired, blue eyed Daniel had quieted a lot of the grumbling. Uncle Steve had appeared to spoil the boy, and a smile that rivaled the sun.
Their relationship had mellowed once Steve had stopped ripping apart his soul one strip at a time, and the blond slid in and out of their lives as his schedule permitted. Rosalee's debut CD had caught on, and she had a good solid career going-it wasn't long after she and Darren started making noises about babies. Not wanting to raise their kids in Las Vegas, the partners convinced a friend to manage The Sound Parlor in Vegas while they moved right down the road from the Ackles-Kane household.
The only black cloud to his happiness was Danneel's health. The doctor warned them that Daniel had been unusually hard on her body, and recommended no more babies. He and Jensen had tried to convince her to have her tubes tied after Daniel's birth, but she refused. Their only choice was to be careful.
A welcome home party for the Steve Carlson Band from a successful European tour, jetlag, free flowing alcohol and food, and the next morning found the four friends waking up in the same bed. After they calmed Steve from his freak out that was short circuited by the three other people in the bed calmly watching him, Jensen and Danni slipped off to take care of Daniel and start breakfast so he and Steve could talk.
After breakfast the four of them talked, and later that week a custom made bed arrived.
It was in that bed they talked about Steve's next CD, KANE's first tour as a headline act, Jensen's next film, the critics began calling him the next Harrison Ford, and Danneel enjoyed the freedom to work where and if she wanted, helping out in the recording studio or just spending time with her guys.
It was in that bed Danneel announced she was pregnant a couple months after they'd all woke up together. It was in that bed they kept her company, played games, curled up with her and Daniel, and kept her from dying of boredom when the doctor order bed rest for the length of the pregnancy.
He and Steve were terrified that they would lose Jensen if something happened to Danneel. The younger man was acting his ass off with his wife, clinging to Daniel, and withdrawing from everyone else.
It was in that bed they'd staged Jensen's intervention, and he'd purged the fear, doubts, and self-hatred for putting his wife's life at risk with his drunken carelessness.
It was in that bed Danni told them she'd gotten pregnant on purpose.
It was in that bed they all cried.
Now three months later, the sun has finally begun to shine in the Carlson-Kane-Ackles household. Though Danneel's spot in their giant bed is empty, she lived on in the hearts of the three men that continued to share the bed along with the living legacy she left behind.
He lets the swing stop as the red-head stirs in his arms and begins to waken. Hearing a noise he looks and gasps as the sun backlights Jensen turning his brown hair a reddish brown, green eyes glowing with gold. His heart constricted at Jensen's rugged beauty. Lines of grief still marred the handsome face, but time and their family have helped. He reaches for the red-head.
"I see I'm just in time."
"Always glad to let someone else handle the fun stuff." He stands and pulls Jensen close for a quick kiss.
He kisses the tip of the red-head's nose. Danneel Michaela Kane-Ackles is a combination of the best of her beautiful parents, and along with her older brother will be the terror of Hendersonville one day. His and Eliot's reputation should be enough, but if not, he's got some double aught buckshot for everyone else.
He looks over Jensen's shoulder to see Steve headed their way, Daniel dangling on his hip.
Though the pain of loss is only now starting to dim, he is no longer that lonely little boy praying to someday be somebody, for all his prayers have been answered.
~Fini~
