What Haunted Him He Buried Part B

[yansadracan]

Title: What Haunted Him He Buried

Author: YanzaDracan

Fandom: Kane RPS & CWRPS

Characters: Chris/Steve/Jensen

Word Count: 4,607

Rating: R implied non-con & torture

Disclaimer: They’re not mine. IT’S FICTION - Something invented by the imagination or feigned; a useful illusion or pretense. Any goofs, gaffs, bending of facts, or mistakes are mine.

Summary: Jensen tries to deal with a buried portion of his past.

Author’s Note: In the same ‘verse as Friendship Rarely Survives The Knowing, What He Thought He Knew & What He Knew, What He Allowed and What They Craved They Pursued. When did this become a ‘verse? Prompted by song of the same name on Steve Carlson’s Days Behind CD, and witchy78’s need for h/c.

 

*Damn.*

He gathered all the stuff seeing Monty had pulled out of the closet stuffed it in a box in the back of his mind, shut and sealed the lid. If there was a way he could do a salt and burn to kill off his ghosts, there'd be a raging inferno.

Monty's advice to tell his lovers about his past rattled around in his brain as he watched Steve and Darren record. This CD could be Steve's best yet. He hoped he'd still be around next spring when it was finished. He was jerked out of his thoughts by the words coming out of the speakers.

But I'd say to stay on your side of town

And keep your crowd away from mine

When the shock passed at hearing his words to Monica, Steve was still singing.

Don't worry I won't sing

About everything

Between you and me.

His mind was full of white noise. His body wanted to run, but his innate sense of self and having made a promise kept him sitting at the sound board. He had everything back in control by the time the last notes rang from Darren's baby grand.

Jensen was on auto pilot the rest of the day. If Steve noticed anything amiss he held his silence. Once home, Jensen changed into his running clothes and took off without a word.

Christian threw his duffel in the back, than settled in the passenger seat. When Steve didn't pull away from curb, he got worried.

"Steve?"

"Something's wrong with Jen."

"How'd he get sick so fast?"

"He's not sick-not physically."

Chris pinched the bridge of his nose. This wasn't good. He was having to translate Stevespeak. The truck pulled out.

"How's Jenny sick?"

"In his soul."

"What made his soul sick?"

Concentrating as traffic got heavier seemed to pull Steve out of his own head.

"Ever since we met that Monica chick something's been off. He's having nightmares, barely sleeping, smoking too much, picks at MY cooking, and instead of being here-he's out running." The singer sounded exasperated.

"He has to go back to work soon…back to Vancouver. Chris speculated.

"That's not it!" Steve slapped his hands on the steering wheel. "Today he was on the board so Darren and I could play together. He'd been real quiet all day, but I happened to be looking at him when we did Between You and Me-I thought he was going to pass out. By the time I could leave the booth he seemed fine. To top it all off-Kripke's sending Jared down as a fourth for that golf tournament thing."

Chris rubbed his hands over his face.

"This just keeps gittin' better."

"We should tell Jared."

"Kid can't keep a secret to save his life." Chris sneered.

"It's Genevieve that tells stuff just get attention."

"That would kill Jen."

"He's gonna ask.'

"Jen really doesn't wanna."

"He trusts Jared, he doesn't trust Genevieve."

"Say it's okay with us IF he wants to tell."

"Works for me."

Steve put the truck in park.

Jensen had run into the garage just as they both came around the truck. Without a word he was surrounded, and not allowed to utter a word that didn't pertain to the sensual assault on his mind and body by those who loved him most.

The two perpetrators of the assault quietly congratulated themselves as Jensen relaxed into a deep sleep.

He seemed to settle after that night. The nightmares returned to the dark corners of his memory and he simply enjoyed the rest of his time off.

The second week of August, Supernatural started the filming for season five. Though she'd been killed off, Genevieve was staying with Jared while she waited word on whether she got the part on a new series, Flash Forward.

He made a quick trip for KANE's last show in Portland until ConCon in March.

A week later, Jared and Genevieve met Jensen in the country club parking lot. Walking into the lobby, Jensen saw Christian and Tim first. As he started toward them, Monica cut across his vision.

"Mr. Ackles…Jensen, so glad you joined us." Her voice gushed, but her eyes were cool.

"Thank you, Monica. This is my friend and co-star, Jared Padalecki and Genevieve Cortes."

"So pleased you could make it. Christian and Tim are waiting over there. Here is your itinerary, and we will be seeing you when you get back to the clubhouse."

"Thank you, Monica." Jensen replied just as coolly before turning his attention to Chris and Tim.

Christian wrapped around him like a warm blanket, not speaking, just holding on. Jensen returned the hug, and gave him a quick hidden kiss on the neck.

Jared looked at Jensen strangely when Tim snatched him from Chris, who was grinning like a jackanape when he pulled him into a hug that lifted him off the ground.

"Put me down you grinnin' fool." Jensen blushed hotly as he returned the hug.

"Good to see ya, kid." Tim still grinning threw an arm around Chris and Jensen holding them in place. "See you brought a new victim-I mean player." He smiled a shark's smile at Jared.

"Down, boy." Jensen laughed. "Timothy Hutton-Jared Padalecki and Genevieve Cortes. Be gentle with him, he hasn't been playing since prehistoric times like you have." He teased. "Jared. No betting with the old man. He's more Nathan Ford than he admits to." Jensen cautioned.

"Spoilsport." Tim moued as he held out his hand. "Good to meet you."

"I know that look." Christian teased. "He's gonna go all fanboy on ya, Tim."

Jared blushed and took the offered hand. "A great pleasure, Mr. Hutton."

"Just Tim, kid." He glanced sideways at Jensen. "Jenny here speaks highly of you."

Jensen groaned. "Not another one."

They all laughed as they gathered their caddies. Usually they handled their own bags, but since part of the tournament was to schmooze the crowd, they moved into the queue to tee off.

Jared watched the other members of his foursome. They played like they'd been doing it for years. There were inside jokes and references he didn't understand.

When he asked Jensen what he'd done during hiatus, the older man said he'd hung out and caught up with old friends. Christian was obviously one of those friends. He must have spent time on the Leverage set, which made sense since he knew both Kane and Hodge.

A pang of envy and jealousy ran through Jared as he watched their easy camaraderie. He'd had that with Jensen once. He thought they'd get it back once Genevieve resolved her jealousy issues, but Jensen always remained just a finger's breadth away from him.

The only time they seemed to connect was on set. He had hopes for this weekend until Gen invited herself along, and Jensen didn't share his plans. Jared didn't even know where he was staying-though he thought it safe to assume it was with Christian.

Jared allowed himself to be pulled out of his gloomy thoughts by Jensen's gentle teasing trying to draw him into the group. By the time they finished the front nine, Jared had forgotten his morose mood.

They finished fourth in the tournament, and spent an hour after they finished play, signing autographs and socializing with the fans. Now they were free until the KANE show at the banquet.

Jared had allowed himself to be drawn in the web Chris, Tim and Jensen had spun while they played golf. He was caught in the spell until he heard Genevieve call his name. By the time he turned back, the other three men were pulling out in Christian's truck.

Rolling down the window, Chris yelled across the parking lot.

"See ya at the dinner!"

Jared waved in acknowledgement before unlocking his rental.

When he and Genevieve were seated at the banquet, he looked around for Jensen. He caught movement on stage from the corner of his eye.

Jensen, Jason and two men Jared didn't know were on stage setting up equipment. They were soon joined by Steve and Christian. The three men stood close, heads together while they untangled wires, tuned strings and set up microphones. Jensen started toward backstage when an arm snaked around his waist and pulled him back toward Christian.

Jared couldn't tell if he said something in Jensen's ear or kissed the side of his head, because Steve was blocking his line of sight. Whatever he did made the fair skinned man blush from the collar of his shirt to the roots of his hair and the rest of the band laugh. He once more got that feeling of being on the outside of an inside joke. It saddened him that what seemed to be the next step in his life-his relationship with Gen-was causing him to step further from the best friend he'd ever known. He made a silent vow to make more of an effort with Jensen. He was too large a part of who Jared was and who he was becoming to lose their connection.

KANE was in rare form. Their repertoire was wide ranging and everyone seemed to hear something they liked. When Christian beckoned for someone from backstage, Jensen came out and moved to share a microphone with Steve. The smile Jensen gave the band and the crowd showed he had become more comfortable with performing live.

Monica had requested the celebrities mingle with the crowd until things ended officially at 11. Jensen was talking with Dean and Tim when he heard Monica call his name. When he turned he saw a face he never wanted to see again.

"Jensen Ackles-I'd like you to meet my husband, Ryan Westman," she turned to an older man behind Ryan, "and this is my father-in-law, Arthur."

As he shook Ryan's hand, Jensen fought to keep his emotions from boiling out. He wanted to scream out at Monica and ask her how she could do this to him after all he'd done to protect her.

The part of his mind that was still rational, reminded him that he had protected her and she had never borne the brunt of the attention that nearly killed him. The innocent look on her face when she'd gushed about her in-laws told him she'd never seen his face that night.

Arthur Westman was Jensen Ackles' own personal demon in the closet.

When he moved to LA, he'd signed a three month contract with an agency recommended by his agent in Dallas. Trusting the advice of a man who'd represented him since he was 2 years-old, 18 year-old Jensen, fell into a nest of pit vipers and it nearly ended his life.

Green/gold eyes flashed rage and hatred as his mouth smiled and said all the proper inanities to the elder Westman. Arthur acknowledged Jensen's anger by the widening of his eyes and the pallor in his face.

Christian looked around the ballroom for his two errant lovers. Steve was talking to Aldis, Beth and another couple by the exit. Jensen was by the stage with Monica Westman and two men.

The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he took in Jensen's stiff posture and the clenched fist hanging at his side. Worried, he caught Steve's eyed and motioned him to his side as he moved toward Jensen.

By the time they made it to Monica, Jensen and the older man were gone.

"Monica!" Christian called out. "I thought I saw you with Jensen?"

"Yes. You just missed him. My father-in-law wanted a private word with him."

"Where at? We really need to hit the road."

"The executive offices." The man with Monica answered. "Ryan Westman." He held out his hand. "My family owns this hotel.'

Steve and Chris shook his hand, but before Chris could ask, Ryan offered to escort them to the office. As they followed the couple, Steve touched Christian's hand. When their eyes met Steve's held questions. The worry in Chris' and the shrug of broad shoulders let the singer know there was something wrong, but he didn't know what.

As they approached the door at the end of the hall, it jerked open and a coldly angry Jensen stepped out the door. The glare of anger and betrayal he gave Monica stopped them all in their tracks.

"Jenny?" Christian's voice was soft as he and Steve stepped to Jensen's side.

Love, relief, fear and shame flashed across the handsome face before he said anything.

"Get me out of here." He pleaded softly.

He leaned heavily into Steve as Christian threw the three people in the office door an icy glare before taking point to the truck.

After they settled in the seat, he curled into Steve shaking with reaction.

By the time they got home Jensen had stopped shaking, but allowed Steve and Christian to support him into the condo. Chris opened his mouth to demand an explanation, but Jensen's fingertips on his lips stopped the words before they were spoken.

He reached out and cupped the two strong jaws in his hands, thumbs brushing lightly over prominent cheekbones.

"We're going our separate ways tomorrow, and I'm not sure when I'll see you again." He paused to swallow the lump in his throat. "Please don't ask-just make love to me? That's what I want to remember when I look back on this day."

With a nod they moved to the bedroom-no one wanting to break the silence as they undressed. Hands reached, fingers gliding over skin, lips claimed, emotions flowed, teeth marked, freckles were worshipped, fingers bruised, breathing hitched, hearts raced. Christian paused at the thing silver lines he'd never noticed, but he was distracted when Steve gave a quiet yelp. Still there was silence, and in the aftermath if tears mingled with the sweat, it remained unspoken.

As Jensen drifted to sleep sprawled across them. They both quietly cursed schedules that would keep them apart until Thanksgiving.

Steve leaned his head against the back of the seat. There wasn't a part of him that wasn't tired. KANE's whirlwind tour with Eric Church, Christian's illness from exhaustion, not seeing Jensen after the emotional uproar in September was all wearing him down. One bright spot had been his mother coming to Nashville to drag them hither and yon.

When the cab stopped in front of the house he was surprised to see lights in the window. He was cautious as he entered the house, but pleasantly surprised when he saw Jensen asleep on the couch. He perched on the edge of the cushion and nudged the sleeping man gently.

"Jens?"

Under the influence of painkillers it took Jensen a few minutes to orient himself.

"Steve? What are you doin' here?" He asked groggily.

Steve smiled indulgently. He loved when Jensen was sleep tousled and unguarded.

"I do live here sometimes." He chuckled.

"Smartass." Jensen grumped.

"I could ask you the same." He reached down for a kiss. "Thought you had a con?"

"Yeah, leavin' day after tomorrow if doc says okay." Jensen answered dropping back towards sleep.

Steve jerked almost landing on the floor.

"What doctor!" He tried not to shout.

"Eyes." Jensen mumbled.

"What's wrong with your eyes?" Steve wanted to shake the drowsy man.

"Lasik."

"Why didn't you call? One of us would have been here. Where's Jared?" Steve knew the youngster had been trying to get back in Jensen's good graces.

"Busy. Didn't wanna be a bother."

Steve wanted to pound his head on the nearest hard surface. Of all the people he could have fallen in love with he had to pick the two most stubborn on the planet.

He got Jensen off the couch and into bed.

*Damn* He wished Christian was here.

"We love you. It's never a bother to be there for you." Steve whispered as he slid in behind Jensen.

"You won't when you find out." Jensen mumbled.

"Find out what, babe?" Steve asked, but Jensen was past hearing.

Steve kept expecting Jensen to say something else about the little bomb he'd dropped the night before, but even with the cab waiting, Jensen simply kissed him like always before going out the door.

After the con, Steve watched Jensen closely. He seemed frantic to spend as time as possible with them. There was an air of sadness around him that felt like someone was dying.

When he asked Christian if he noticed, his reply was, "Thought I was imagining things."

The weekend after Thanksgiving their world crumbled.

They were both surprised when they woke without Jensen in their bed. They started to worry when they didn't see his duffel in its usual spot. Panic struck when they saw a DVD with a 'Watch Me' posty note by the coffee pot.

Christian went to turn on the DVD player while Steve poured coffee. When he settled next to Christian on the couch-Chris hit 'play'.

The Jensen on the screen was so pale and wane, he appeared ill.

"Before I go any further, I want to say, I love you both-Have always and will always." He paused to gather himself.

"Since you're watching this you know I never worked up the courage to talk to you in person. I didn't want my last memory of you to be looks of disgust and contempt. I want to remember you the way you were this morning curled around each other with love. Besides, Christian will need something to smash when this is finished." He chuckled sadly.

Jensen blinked rapidly trying to regain his composure.

"There are only four people living that know the truth besides you, and if I hadn't met Monica in Portland, you still wouldn't know, but I've seen the questions in your eyes that you don't ask me when I wake everyone screaming."

Rubbing his hands over his face and gathering himself, he started to talk. Steve reached for Christian's hand.

"When I first moved to LA…"

What followed that sentence was the story of a young man from Texas, who trusting someone he'd known all his life, became a victim of Hollywood's dark side.

"While I was going to auditions, waiting for that one break, my agent had me sign a short-term contract with Francois DeLeon, as a model. Because we looked so much alike, Francoise made a habit of pairing me with Monica Reid. Not only were we modeling, we were also being hired out for window dressing at parties thrown by LA's power brokers. The more we worked together, the closer we got-like we really were brother and sister.

Alan Westman owned several five star hotels that accommodated some of these parties. When I bitched about doing the parties, DeLeon would threaten my career and Monica's if we tried to break the contract or went to the press.

Because we wouldn't put out, the 'twins', as DeLeon, billed us became a challenge to the rich and bored. They tried everything from bribery to seduction to get us into their beds. Sometimes I'd take their numbers and go out with them," Steve felt Christian stiffen at the words," -but not for money. Some of the models did. I was stupid and lonely."

Chris relaxed, but gathered Steve in his arms as they continued to watch.

"It was good for business, the money was great, but I was afraid one day one of the would-be seducers would turn out to be a nutcase."

Jensen paused. He sat looking at his hands for a long time, his thumb rubbing the inside of his opposite wrist. It was a nervous habit Christian and Steve had seen many times over the years. Realizing what he was doing, Jensen stopped, threw back a shot from the bottle of JD on the coffee table before he continued.

"A week before the end of my contract, I was walking Monica across the parking lot to her car, when I saw something hit her neck. Before I could react, I felt a sting, and it was lights out.

When I came to, I was hanging naked from a pipe handcuffed by my wrists. Monica was gagged, tied and blindfolded across the room. When my head cleared I could hear this guy ranting about her being a tramp and clichés about fucking the stable boy, and how their class could fuck the help, but you didn't run off with them, or get caught. When he got done shouting, he walked in front of me. It was Alan Westman, and he decided it was time to try out his ex-wife's collection of riding crops on the 'stable boy."

Tears streamed unheeded down Jensen's face as he started rubbing his wrists again.

"I tried to be quiet. I didn't want Monica to know what was going on, and I thought if I kept his attention on me he'd leave her alone. I was hoping Francois was looking for us. He always made a check call after a party to make sure we were alright. I prayed more than I ever prayed for anything."

He stopped and took another long pull from the bottle.

"I was about to pass out from the pain when Westman decided it wasn't enough that his wife had fucked him over, he was about to fuck over her 'boy'. He stood in front of me and stared at the handle on all those riding crops for a long time. The look that came over his face was even uglier and more demented. He just walked around behind me-he started…he…they said the blood from my back was enough lubrication…I wasn't torn too bad by the time Francois' three bodyguards crashed the room and took him down. The concierge doctor sedated him and a couple more guys hustled him out of the room. They did the same with Monica. They got me down, the doctor gave me a shot, and when I woke up I was face down on a bed in the penthouse.

Francois hauled everyone to Westman's penthouse. He'd had some kind of psychotic break over all the shit with his divorce, and decided Monica and I were part of his delusion. She and Ryan only know part of the story. How they got together," Jensen shook his head, "Fate really is a bitch."

His focus turned inward as he continued. "DeLeon somehow kept everything under the radar while getting a big payoff from Westman to keep us quiet. It was a week before I could move enough to go back to my place. By then my contract had ended. In the month it took my back and wrists to heal, I fired my agent, hired a new one, and within in a week had a couple of guest shots. Then I got Days, and the rest as they say is history. Now you know why I'm hyper aware of anyone behind me. You can still see some scars-my lower back-underside of my wrists."

Jensen looked away from the camera as though trying to make a decision. Tears continued to drip off his jaw.

"There's one last thing before I leave…I never…I mean I didn't…fuck…there wasn't anyone I trusted enough to really have sex with until I met you guys. Then when you got together I thought maybe Jared because he was such a touching, hugging, groping guy, but turns out I wasn't special, that's the way he acts with everyone. Now that we've been together…"

He finally ran his hands over his face, the stared at them when he felt the wetness on his palms.

"There won't be anyone again. I'll have Jared come by and get my things. Just put 'em in storage 'til then."

He reached for the off button on the camcorder.

"I love you, both."

The screen went black.

Steve had turned his tear streaked face into Christian's chest like a broken-hearted child. Chris kept him wrapped in one arm while he wiped his face on his shirt-tail with the other.

"That sumbitch left without givin' us a chance." He mumbled. "He thought we wouldn't want 'im after he told us." He started to get mad. "Just wait 'til I git my hands on the little shit. I'm kickin' his ass then I'm chainin' him to the bed." He started digging for his phone while still holding on to Steve.

Steve hearing Christian swear, growl, grumble and start to squirm looked up.

"Chris?"

"Ya gonna help me find 'im?"

"What?"

"You wanna let 'im go?"

"No!"

They called everyone they knew. Even Kripke didn't know his whereabouts. Donna said Jensen called to say he wouldn't be home for awhile. The only person they hadn't talked to was Steve's sister in Colorado. Sandy told him she was at some retreat where they didn't allow cell phones or computers.

Finally she called him back.

"Stevie? What's wrong?"

"Thank god. Have you seen or heard from Jensen?"

"Yeah. He house sat for me while I was gone. With the weather the way it's been I didn't want the house empty. I just dropped him off at the airport hotel about an hour ago."

"Did he say where he was going?"

"Nowhere. He couldn't get a flight back to Vancouver. How come he's not with you and Christian? Did Chris do something stupid?" Her voice started to rise. "'Cause he looked terrible."

"No, neither of us did anything stupid. Jensen just got confused about some stuff, and we need to fix it."

"You better before he wastes away to nothing. He's grieving like someone died."

"Thanks, Sis, love you." Steve cut the call.

"We'll be lucky to get a flight." Chris growled as he contacted the airline.

Luck was with them. They'd get to Denver around nine in the morning, but wouldn't be flying out until they were sure Jensen would be with them.

When Jensen opened the door for room service, Chris and Steve came in on the man's heels. Shoving a bill in his hand, Steve ushered him out quickly before the storm he could see on Christian's face started.

"What's the big fuckin' idea of leavin' us that fuckin' DVD than disappearin'! We looked every fuckin' where for you, and you're shacked up with Steve's sister!" He shouted.

"I didn't…she wasn't…I wouldn't." Wide green eyes set in a too thin face turned on them.

Steve wanted to gather Jensen in his arms and never let him out, but he knew they had to get through Christian expressing his worry and fear the only way he could. By yelling…loud…and a lot...with curses that could blister paint.

Christian yelled and paced and waved his arms until finally with a growled, "Come 'ere, boy," pulled Jensen into a vise like hug.

Steve latched on from behind adding a growl of his own, "Don't every do anything this fuckin' stupid again."

Overwhelmed, Jensen let go. Everything he'd locked away since September came out in a rush and jumble. Through the fears and tears, Jensen finally came to understand he was loved no matter what, and if he even thought about going rabbit again, there'd be hell to pay.

Their Christmas was celebrated a few days later than traditional, but the logistics nightmare of getting three families together in one place for such a monumental occasion was worth the headaches.

Watching the light of the Oklahoma moon glint off the symbols engraved in the white gold band on his right hand, Jensen sighed in contentment. Caught between loudly headstrong and quietly stubborn, he knew he would never again walk alone.

The End